Am I in Survival Mode? Understanding the Impact of Betrayal Trauma on Your Body and Mind
Betrayal by a trusted partner can shake your sense of safety, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and disconnected. This deep rupture in trust can trigger a state known as "survival mode," where your body and mind focus on protecting you from further harm.
Recognising Survival Mode
Survival mode is an automatic response to distress, engaging the body's fight, flight, freeze, or fawn reactions. You might recognise it in yourself through:
Hypervigilance : Feeling constantly on edge, scanning for signs of danger.
Emotional Numbness : A sense of disconnection from emotions, difficulty feeling joy or sadness.
Exhaustion : Persistent fatigue, even after rest.
Cognitive Overload : Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
Why Betrayal Trauma Can Keep You Stuck in Survival Mode
Your nervous system is designed to respond to threats, but betrayal trauma is not a single event - it can be ongoing. Unfolding discoveries, trickle truths, gaslighting, and continued uncertainty can keep your system in high alert. Instead of moving through distress and into repair, survival mode can persist, leaving you feeling stuck, disconnected, or like you're waiting for the next impact.
Meeting Yourself Where You Are
If you’re feeling trapped in survival mode, this is not a failure - it is your body's way of protecting you in a situation that feels unsafe or unresolved. Instead of pushing yourself to move forward before you’re ready, you might find it helpful to acknowledge where you are and focus on small ways to bring a sense of steadiness and care to your day.
Navigating Survival Mode : An Occupational Therapy Lens
Occupational Therapy considers the ways trauma can shape how we engage with daily life. If survival mode is making it hard to function, small shifts can support your system in finding moments of relief. Here are some approaches:
Grounding Through the Senses: The body can often register safety before the mind catches up. Noticing the feeling of your feet pressing into the floor, the texture of an object in your hand, or the sound of something steady and familiar can help anchor you to the present moment.
Restoring Routines: Predictable actions - whether making a cup of tea the same way each morning, taking deep breaths before checking your phone, or stepping outside for a moment of fresh air - can signal to your nervous system that there is some consistency, even in uncertainty.
Engaging in Meaningful Activity: When overwhelmed, it’s common to withdraw from things that once felt fulfilling. Exploring small, manageable ways to engage - whether through movement, creativity, or connection can create moments of regulation and self-connection.
Sensory Modulation : Tuning Your Nervous System: Rather than focusing only on “calming down,” sensory modulation is about noticing how different sensory inputs affect your body and using them with intention. Betrayal trauma can create cycles of hyperarousal (anxiety, restlessness, overwhelm) or hypoarousal (numbness, exhaustion, disconnection). Exploring sensory experiences can help shift your state in ways that feel supportive:
Deep-Pressure & Proprioception : Slow, firm movements - like stretching, leaning against a wall, or applying weighted pressure, can create a sense of stability and containment.
Rhythmic Input : Gentle, repetitive movements - such as rocking, tapping, or even chewing crunchy foods can help regulate the nervous system.
Temperature Regulation : A cool washcloth on the back of your neck can be refreshing and grounding, while warmth (such as a heat pack or warm drink) may bring a sense of comfort.
Sound & Frequency Tuning : Certain types of sound - like rhythmic drumming, binaural beats, or soft instrumental music can influence emotional and physiological states.
Mind-Body Practices : Sometimes mindfulness or deep breathing can feel overwhelming when in survival mode. If that’s the case, simpler body-based approaches - such as noticing the weight of a blanket, feeling the warmth of water on your hands, or stretching slowly can be more accessible entry points to regulation.
Recognising survival mode is an important step, but when the situation is ongoing, healing may not feel linear. There is no rush to move through it. What matters is meeting yourself where you are and finding even small ways to reconnect with yourself, your needs, and what feels grounding.